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Speaking of fathers…


Fatherhood is special when that father CHOOSES to allow and embrace it.  When I write these words, I speak from personal experience…through the eyes of my father. 

My dad loves my mother so much.  They love each other! Now that we are grown, he tells us, his children, about how he knew mom was “THE ONE”.  They grew up in the projects together in Alameda.  During that time, everyone knew each other and the children in the neighborhood played together.  The look he gets in his eye when he talks about the time when mom was in her pre-teens and she came to his house with a fresh baked pie for his family…priceless.  He KNEW she was special!  I love those stories.  Well the rest is history cause me, my sister and brother are now on the scene, so you know what happened!  My parents have been married for close to 40 years.

When we were growing up our dad was very nurturing. He played with us and he was always SO PROUD OF US and he would let everyone know!  He would take me and my sister for walks and put flowers in our hair and tell us we were special.  Dad even got us a dog against mom’s wishes.  He was brave for that one!  What fun that was! 

Back in September 2009, my dad was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s disease.  Our family came together to support him in his healing and it is making us closer than ever.  My dad is so strong even though he has lost so much weight and he can’t talk or move without assistance.  Do you know that he uses this special communication board to tell us about his wants and desires?  He surprised me with a gift for mother’s day!  Of course, my sister got it for me, but the point is that’s my dad, still showing me love. 

I had experienced some financial challenges for a time and even though my dad is convalescing, he is STILL offering money to help buy Joseph (my 5-year old son) clothes and food.

Since my father has always done special things for me and still does, I decided to do something special for him too.  I commissioned an artist, from the Bay Area, named “Tucky” to paint a one-of-a-kind painting of my parents together in perfect health in the Napa Valley.  I wanted to encourage my dad during his healing process and my mom as well.sketch 8

The artist, Tucky, wanted to blog about his experience of when I first contacted him, check it out:

The picture to the left is the final sketch!

If you’ve read my previous posts then you know that because I knew what it was like to grow up with my father as a constant, loving presence in my life, I had NO reference point of what growing up WITHOUT a father would be like.  It was just BEYOND my understanding and comprehension that a father wouldn’t want to be a part of their child’s life.  Simply inconceivable!

Well, that’s why I’ve started this journey of healing and self-growth because there are fathers out “there” like that and Joseph’s father is one of those people.  This is why I felt a strong sense of purpose as I was writing “My Choice”.  There are fathers that CHOOSE to not be a part of their child’s life, for whatever reasons.  I’m sure there are many and they BELIEVE that their reasons are justified, valid and therefore—THEIR REALITY.   How do you explain an absentee father to your child?  How do you deal with the feelings you are having inside of yourself as a mother?  It’s time to open the door and talk about it.  It’s time to heal.

There’s no point in making “them” WRONG.  I don’t have to do that.  Everyone has a harvest that they will reap.  They will reap the harvest of the CHOICES they make

Just as it is MY CHOICE to do this:



May the CHOICES YOU MAKE serve you well.


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