Has this ever happened to you? When you were a kid, you may have started complaining about what other kids had and the fact that you needed to have it too. Then your mother said, “Be grateful for what you do have. There are lots of kids out there that would love to have what you have!”
I used to hear that soooo many times when I was a kid. However, as an adult, I TRULY GET IT now! I am so grateful for all that I am and all that I have. Having a grateful attitude can really help you retain a positive outlook in all situations in life. For instance, when it comes to my son’s father being absent in his life, I CAN find gratitude in that situation. You may wonder, “How is that possible?!” I will tell you.
Had it not been for his absenteeism, I wouldn’t have this wonderful, empowering story to share with others in a situation like mine. The way and manner in which he walked out of his son’s life opened the door of OPPORTUNITY to healing.
AGAIN, IT’S ALL IN HOW YOU LOOK AT IT.
PERCEPTION IS EVERYTHING.
In the beginning, it felt ugly, disheartening, confusing, angering—all of those things. I was so enraged by “his” behavior because I was raised by BOTH of my parents. What kind of person would just walk out on their kid, I wondered? My parents were HAPPILY MARRIED. for 40+ years until my father passed in August 2015. So, I grew up seeing what a loving, faithful relationship was like between a man and a woman. I wanted that for my son too.
I realize our relationship was built on a shaky foundation, so it was bound to fail. I just didn’t see it then, but I CAN SEE that NOW, looking back. Part of the healing process for me HAD TO INCLUDE FORGIVING MYSELF. Forgive myself for what, you say?
So since he ended up being an absentee father that walked out on his responsibilities and his son, that makes me wrong for picking him, right? ABSOLUTELY NOT!
Joseph was planned. I CHOSE “HIM”. It was a CONSCIOUS DECISION. I KNEW what type of person he was when I met him and what his life was like. Well, then what type of person does that make me?
A GOOD ONE! I WAS THEN AND I AM NOW.
There are no victims here. We were both consenting adults. If I blame him for anything negative that has happened because of his absenteeism, such as financial difficulties and childcare difficulties, then I give my OWN power away. That makes him responsible for my happiness and my well being. I AM a perfectly capable adult that can handle any situation that arises during the day…WHEN I CHOOSE EMPOWERMENT OVER VICTIMHOOD.
For crying out loud, I gave birth, naturally, to an 8 pound 2 ounce boy, what can’t I do? (What an adventure that was! I’ll save that tale for another time 🙂
So with lots of gratitude, I give thanks to Joseph’s father for all of the seemingly negative experiences that lead up to this moment. If it weren’t for those experiences, I wouldn’t have a testimony. Had it not been for those experiences, I wouldn’t KNOW MY OWN POWER. Had it not been for those experiences, maybe I wouldn’t have a story to share with the world. Had it not been for those experiences, I wouldn’t know I could be so resilient. Had it not been for those experiences, maybe there wouldn’t have been self-growth and healing. Had it not been for him…I wouldn’t have been blessed with my son JOSEPH!